i will always care too much

“No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable.”

henri barbusse

I am more sensitive than other people. Things that other people would not notice awaken a distinct echo in me, and in such moments of lucidity, when I look at myself, I see that I am alone, all alone, all alone.

tolerance

" It can drive you to frenzy - watching the complete blank acceptance - as though they were born to it, expect it, welcome it.  And maybe they know something the other signs don't - that all this suffering, all this misfortune, means little if you're not attached too strongly to life."

Marc Hack

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.

franz kafka

“I write differently from what I speak, I speak differently from what I think, I think differently from the way I ought to think, and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness.”

dark side

cuts deep.

wiser words.

"Not too many people face opportunities to pursue what truly makes them happy so why do I still feel afraid? I know it’s just a current mind-state. I’ve never been that girl to ever feel content being ‘stuck in a box’ but my wide-eyed vision is being blurred in a rut of life choices. Security and family acceptance against bold decisions and your true passion. It’s truly easier said than done. Deep breath. I’m going to go for it, it’s all I have left to give. Whoever I disappoint isn’t concerned with my true happiness and those who support will be reciprocated with all the love and mutual support I have in every crevice of my heart and soul. At this very moment I hope you’re all on your way to one day truly saying to yourselves that you are doing what makes you happy and you are doing it for you. You’re all worthy and deserving of your fullest potential."

s.freud

"But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.”

power to change.

no law or power in the world can inhibit your ability to have the wildest and most rich thoughts, do not tame them, they are what shall keep you sane.

you had to know, didn't you?

you had to know what it would be like in that one moment of temptation to let your willpower weaken and allow it to consume you without the thought of consequence.

don't know what we know.

since birth you've been trained to be a certain way, eventually you will realize there's a lot more out there than you know. from that moment you shall spent the rest of your life sorting through this chaotic world trying to find who you really are. often many fear never finding their true selves and decide to remain within the bounds of what they have been told; the surface is their safety. among all are the curious minds who choose not to accept the ideas imposed by a bias voice, rather prefer to dig deep into the unknown. within these deep dark places we find the condemned, the radicals and misfits. within these deep dark places we find our artists, those who we love yet loathe to a point of acceptance. is it not our fear of the unknown which labels these deep thinkers as insane? we shall never understand the maze they call their brain.

love in the face of hate.

fill your mind with positivity, allow it to gush into your heart, penetrate your mind and consume your soul. live for today, cherish every smile, every hug and every expression of happiness. in every failure, accept that life will throw you challenges for a reason, we must learn from what we can not control and yet move on to bigger and better things. radiance blossoms the moment you connect with your true being and not allow others to dictate the way you live your life. you may not be able to control the happenings of your journey but you sure can control the ways in which you understand and deal with them. be strong, i believe in you.

loving life

“It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside.”

happily changed.

eager minds are often unstable in their pursuit to constantly be redefined by the spontaneity of their thoughts.

who am i?

it's funny how we are born naked and spend the rest of our lives trying to cover up who we really are. we only allow people to see the person we wish to be perceived as for the fear that who we are is not good enough. if we reveal all that we are, what do we have to hold onto? where do we go when the darkness is all we crave? you don't have to be completely honest, but at least speak the truth through your lies.

naked.

find someone who you can confidently be completely naked in front of without removing a single piece of clothing. do stupid shit with this person, let them dive deeper and deeper into your being and slowly but surely mend all of the wounds you have created. i assure you they do not care for the person who you appear to be, but for the person you truly are. be free my child, you weren't born to hide.

visions.

take the time to get to know me, and you will see i'm just as lonely. i care not for your acquired wealth, or your past loves the 1st to the 12th. together we can make this work and fight off the evil that lurks. believe me when i say it's true, that i will never betray you. the honesty of a life of love, with blessings from the lovers above. i know my dreams are twisted, i just wish that you existed.

here.

'look inside' she muttered as she cried, 'your poison lies'.

fool's gold

looking past the lies to discover the love inside.

2 minds.

you can't control the cruel minds of those tortured by their own inability to look further than they can see.

every one.

i'm not the only one who wants to be your only one. there is only one who will be your only one. the rest will be forgotten.

purple rain.

golden tears are suicide, slow but torturous yearning for that which allows us to believe we are unstoppable.

the monsters they live in my head.

they're my friends and without them i'd be dead.

live the torture that you create.

muted mouths and silence tears, these are the fears which shall torture your ears. broken promises and filthy truths, this is the love that is holding you. darkened beauty and robust hate, is this not but a natural state? have we possessed these innocent souls into a the belief that the world in which they inhabit, the rules by which they live, the money in which they bleed for, is all that they are worth? we have created this madness, we are living these lies and so shall our children, for this is all we know to show them.

control

be careful, she knows a lot more than you think she does and can see further than your eyes allow. she's seen glimpses of your guarded soul and decoded your every gesture. she knows more of your heart than the love you think you can give and remembers every word you have ever uttered, regardless of how worthless they may seem. whilst you carry out your daily routine, she hopes you are surviving and doing everything you can to make the most of your life. she will always and forever be there for you, even in times when you forget she even exists. she just wants you to be happy, even it it means her own life is miserable.

let lonely consume lonely.

in the battle to fulfill the emptiness which haunts the soul, with our old tricks at hand, we may win the fight but loneliness will always win the war. in this ages of guns loaded with false love, the human hands will always be the most tender and deadly weapon. for so easily can they hold a beating heart but also allow it to ever so suddenly slip out of their hands. battles are never won from the trenches, sacrifice is your only saviour.

bastard

This is what the devil plays before he goes to sleep · Some food for thought, this food for death, go ahead and fucking eat · - tyler

souls

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life” — Bob Marley

viewpoints

Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding. — Bill Bullard

daughter - youth

we are the reckless, we are the wild youth, chasing visions of our futures. one day we’ll reveal the truth: that one will die before he gets there.

a lone body.

don't confuse being alone with being lonely.

I get it

She probably goes through bouts of intense loneliness and erratic emotions when alone, almost depressive but not suicidal. the pain is a release but not a way out. outside of that, when with people, she is screaming for attention, seeking for someone to notice her struggle but she knows no one will ever understand yet she will still call out for help. 

i miss you

i really don't think you miss me, i think you yearn for an outdated projection of who i used to be. you want to relive that connection we had within the time in which we shared. however, you obviously fail to recognise that change is a constant and we are never the same people we were yesterday. i can never be who you remember me to be and i never want to be that person. for today i am better, today i have matured, today i'm the best person i can be at this very moment. regardless of whether you feel i have gone backwards, i've changed or i've moved on; i can't fight change, i'm sorry i just can't. there's reason behind everything and i'm not going to fight against an evolution which brings me closer to fulfilling my purpose in this world. yes it may seem arrogant and selfish, but at the end of the day we come into this world alone and we definately leave alone. it upsets me sometimes that our paths have moved apart, but maybe we need to grow apart to eventually grow closer. i don't miss you, i'm happy that we shared time together, for you changed me for the better. thank you sincerly.

protect yourself

so you only be about that bread but that shit is mouldy, and i look into your heart and see that you’re a coldy. cause this shit that you inject is icy, and world that you protect is dicey. money stacks and paper rolls are common favours, with a one trick ride as your neighbour. when your enemies all become friendly, and struggle is but a distant memory. the pain your mother screams is ignored, as she holds onto the little boy she adored. selfish snakes and venom ties have got your fame up, and you wonder when they’ll try and flip the game up. honestly you will see this life will catch you, and you’ll still be waiting for your promised breakthrough. please don't think i'm trying to bring you down, just remember everybody wants to wear the crown.

singularity of the mind

i'm almost proud yet scared to admit that i can spend so much of my time in a constant state of silence and darkness. i suppose it allows me to understand myself and really get lost in my own thoughts; to live fully within the mental scape which defines me. often i feel the outside world has too many rules and too much seeks logical theory over possibilities. for this reason i prefer to keep many of my obsurd ideas to myself, for i may be the only person who will ever fully understand them. sometimes i wish i could find someone to bare my soul to, to show the real and raw me. i know timing is everything and eventually when the moment is right and i'm ready, certain events will occur which will completely shuffle the details of my seemingly calm life. maybe this is all happening as we speak yet i can't bring myself to accept and acknowledge this gifted evolution of my being. i'm not sure how this all ends, maybe the darkness is constant, what i do know is that my decisions define my destination and i've decided lonliness is a neccessity. if i can't be happy alone, i'll never be happy in any kind of relationship. all i need is time.

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!” It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

murdah.

they will cut you down and watch you fall into the shallow grave you have dug for yourself. they will help you tie the anchor to your soul and push you into the depths of your despair. they will taint your memories and blackmail your demons and make you believe in their deluded version of reality. they've been doing this your whole life and you will never be able to escape it. your ignorance is your killer. so kill it, quick.

lovers and friends

friendship is the fundamental connection two lovers must have in order to be soul mates. soul mates are not found, soul mates are created. your lover should be your best friend, have control over your heart and soul, yet never manipulate or tamper with its contents. there is nothing physical about real love, everything exists within the spiritual world and awaits our acceptance of its existence. we are born as a double yolk, seperated at birth, it is our quest in life to find that person who completes us, who takes us beyond this place. in this we have served our most basic function, our ability to understand the beauty of a simple life through love. friendship is that which carries us, love allows us to fly. your soul mate shall complete you, be ready.

thankful

"everyday is just.... a struggle but everyday is also a blessing because.... we still have life and we still have another chance to keep going." -Jessica Phillips (American Idol 2012)

The end

You want to live? You need to accept death.

Forced

I'm not here because I want to be, but sometimes you have to experience pain to really understand and appreciate happiness.

Money over mind

The richest men have the poorest mentality, like the numbers in their bank are their happiest reality

w$$d

roll blunts with them hundreds cause i got money on my mind and i'll give you a peace if you give me some of your time. clocks make cents and time is money, so i'm banking on your change... nah fuck that i'm paying fees on shit that i'm never going to get.

define: reading

i'm beginning to realise there's a valid reason why i don't open up to anyone, because like an open book people are always going to judge a book by it's cover regardless. there's too much temptation to skip to the end of the book before really understanding the story. some people won't read a book that's too short or too long, others only read books of a particular genre or by a particular author. too many only care for stories which concern them personally. the only problem is i can't be read and i never want to be.