life ain't easy

i'm not going to lie to you, i'm scared shitless. i don't want to fail, don't want to fall into the depths of the deteriorated bodies. something like this doesn't grant you second chances, one attempt, 50/50. it's not that i'm afraid of the challenge, it's just the aftermath that has me doubting myself. it's my strength that im so unsure about, my strength to rise in the face of defeat. you know what, i'll never know until i try, so fuck it, life wasn't meant to be easy.

let's do the unthinkable

this is the moment of honesty, where i peel away the layers which encapsulate my soul. the truth shall escape, damaging every lie ever uttered and shattering the forgery of a deceitful life. there is no more time left to waste, spread your wings, it's time to be free. this is the book of freedom and you are chapter one.

are you ready?

they will always kick you when you're down, the best revenge is your strength in rising every time you are defeated. only the strong willed will survive, if you ask me i'm ready.

change today.

stop saying tomorrow and start saying today. for if tomorrow you say tomorrow, today will be a wasted tomorrow and yesturday was once a wasted today. today you will change and tomorrow you will keep changing for tomorrow's tomorrow, until eventually tomorrow's yesturday becomes the best day of your life.

she vs me

she was stalking me, in my dreams, in my nightmares, every morning and every night. she was there, abusing me, congratulating me, telling me the truth and pushing the lies through her teeth. all i wanted to do was run, hide, fade into oblivion; but there was no escape from her claws, she had me trapped. every night i would look past my ceiling and ask the man past the stars why he wont save me? why he won't use his power to grant me the justice i believed i disturbed. every day i would look for answers, always pretending life was beautiful when all i saw was decit and pain. i started to feel sorry for myself, like everything i had believed in was not enough to take me to heaven. i looked into the mirror searching for some sort of hope, some sort of strength, but all i got was the pain in her eyes. she was everything i am, everything that is stopping me from being who i want to be. i was fighting myself, being haunted by my own fear, my own negativity, my own resistance. the cowardice had consumed me, i was my own worst enemy, wasting away, falling deeper and deeper into the fires of a wrathful demise. it was enough, i couldn't run anymore, couldn't let her damage my determined soul. i met the real me and she was the epitome of my happiness. at that moment i was reborn, raising up out of the flames like a phoenix. i never ran again, she gave me the strength i needed to become a warrior of society. she is me and i am her, together we are truly alive.

i need a tomtom.

i can't breath, as this controlled pain ripples throughout my core.
my subconscious is constantly clawing at the walls, gasping for air.
numb to society, i am consumed by its darkness.
isolated, my identity is gone, searching for myself.
i'm a rebellious soul trapped in a socially conformed body.
will freedom be suffice?

childish rebellion

cloud your conscious with the haze from your blunt, enter a state of deep psychadelic worry, fuck reality and eat society’s lies, speak the dirtiest truth your tongue could twister, drink from the cup of eternal youth, loot from the gold mine of knowledge, befriend bad people who inject dangerous substances, tag your name across the city streets, be humble.

do everything that is deemed forbidden, break all the rules. your rebellion is what keeps us all alive.

firstly...

let me begin by stating our dilemma,
we've reached a point of no return
and the darkness is upon us.

shall we run and hide from the unknown that will approach us?
or will we stand and let our presence be a carrier of our independence?

either way, we're all in this together.

mostly

i'm most dangerous when everybody is sleeping and i sit awake thinking.
i'm most uncontrollable when i catch the scent of freedom and nothing can clip my wings or confine me to darkness.
i'm most awake when i look in your eyes and slowly peel away the tears from your lies.
i'm most asleep when the world is frantic, the chaos becomes a habit of the future.
but most of all i fear the truth, hell hath no fury like a liberated lie.

be free.

live in the dark and treat light as a luxury,
for in the dark the silent sit and stare.
bask not in the glory of the rays,
but in the illumination of the moonlight.
for there is no true happiness without profound and painful sadness,
and we are not really alive, until we die a little.

be not awake but always in a psychedelic state,
where nothing makes sense and time is fluid.
dream of the day you dropped your last regret,
and made love to your future lessons.

drink many mind altering fluids,
smoke many psychotropic chemical substances
be at your worst,
ready to give it all up
ready to end it all.

then throw it all away,
get the hell up and find that damn light which you deserve.
you've served your incarceration in the dark
and so the light shall free you.
be free.

the end is coming.

i stopped fearing death the moment i realised it was fear that was killing me. people fear death like they are loosing so much when they die. as if this world is the most amazing haven ever created. this world is cold and cruel and greedy, full of deceit and treacherous lies. we have abused every beauty that we possess and continue to ignorantly twist the fate of our own existence. we're all living to die eventually, what are you really dying to live for? money? sex? or power? almost everything you can't keep. i'll die sooner or later but while i'm alive, i'm just going to keep on living and making the most of my time here. i don't fear dying , i fear not living.

gotta see this

The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. - Vladimir Nabokov

me.

What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain knowledge must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. ... I certainly do not deny that I still recognize an imperative of knowledge and that through it one can work upon men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing.
—Søren Kierkegaard, Letter to Peter Wilhelm Lund dated August 31, 1835

the hate of vulnerability

i took one hit and i was addicted.

Addictions made for the weak, the souls of those who seek a blackening daylight.
A fulfillment and ecstasy as its sweetness passed through the veins of my life.
An uncontrollable thirst for a tempting substance.

These addictions made for the arrogant and selfish, the self sacrificing and careless.
A cruel act of self gratification torturing the hearts who hold them close.

I'm addicted to your love and you had me at hello.

when i was 18...

i once said:

"i seek not to be known for everything society saw right for me to do, but everything i did that falls perfectly symmetrically within my heart"

now i'm going on 20 and i'm still a rebel with a cause.

Reflection

I'm still trying to figure myself out, I'm so different to everybody else, i'm not 'normal'. Thus I ask myself what 'normal' really means? I've come to the conclusion that it's a submission to fear. People are so scared of not being accepted by the majority of society that they attempt to mould themselves into a 'normal' person. Personally, I don't want to fit into their idea of normality, I mean, rebellion isn't exactly bad if the morals behind it are right.

I seem to enjoy my world where dreams are intricate yet promising and vacations from reality are frequent. Reality is harsh, it's like a furnace of magma showering down during a record breaking heatwave. Sometimes I like to stick my head into the clouds and absord the heavenly mantras of the inhabitants of the sky. It's kind of like laying in the sun in a warm summer's day, absorbing the beauty of the soft rays that engulf your lifeless body. Now imagine that feeling at your fingertips whenever you like, not governed by the setting of the sun or the time of day.

My world outside of this world is personal. It's like a space I take myself to continue the search for the real and raw 'me'. It's kind of like I'm on a life long mission to discover myself unharmed by all codes of 'normality'.

who are you really?

(August 2009)

the glass breaks.

They shall always summon their morals to our defeat,
tell us our almighty strength lacks in beauty.
Never are we able to choose the left road at the fork,
rather their defined right road.

We are but clones of their glory,
broken and battered, tormented souls.
Our substance has been reconstucted to accomodate our forced consumption at the hands of their rule.
Nothing is ever flawed in the frame of our silhouette.

Until........the glass shatters, the foot steps out of line.
They silently watch as the warriors walk a hidden path.
Finally an escape, a chance for renewal, an opportunity for rebirth.
Life is thus restored, subconscious unfailed.

The demise of our innocent lives seemingly ends.
We fight, like Gods of our own internal war.
We create ourselves as outcasts of a souless sphere of existence.
Somewhere, the glass breaks.

(August 2009)

unveiling the truth

where i come from they call a place like this hell, but to them this place is life.
selling your soul for a little piece of conformity, a slice of devilish heaven.
only difference is, they've got you wreckless before you can even walk,
deluding you into feeling worthless, powerless, inhumane.
you yearn for their acceptance, yearn to stand next to the elite of their world.
sooner or later, your individuality will get you spiralling into the depths of isolation.
take a glimpse at this society, take a glimpse at the world in which we live.

is this what you call freedom?