the rising of the fallen

my knees are endlessly bleeding from my ritualistic search for hope. i kneel on cold concrete, rosary in my hand, head in the other, all i seek is redemption. my conversations with God have been reduced to my pleading for assistance, pleading for miraclous intervention. if he is as omnipotent as is written, why does he allow this world to spiral out of control? he leaves us to suffer from disease, greed and war, while he sits over and watches us like a rodeo. does he think this is all a joke? the pain we suffer every single day? i'm done praying, God doesn't care about me, i've lost all my faith in everything i was brought up to believe.

i prayed for recovery and he made me worse, i fought for days, writhering in pain as the jolts shook throughout my body. i felt defeated, as if nothing in this destructive world would ever save the remenants which lay on the hospital bed. the priest is at my feet, he talks of eternal salvation and the glory of god's kingdom in heaven. i feel like telling him how mistaken he really is, how blinded by this torturous world he has become. it's strange because he constantly talks about the angels always guiding me, i can't help but wonder about the white glow which illuminates his body, i sit staring at him as the light around him glows. the light begins to burn my eyes, stretching out it begins to pull me towards it. suddenly i am spiralling into a pool of beaming light, constantly being pulled down into the depths of a bottomless realm. there are people floating all around me, mother's nursing their children as angelic figures hover above them, lovers caressing each other in a warm embrace. suddenly i hear a gun shot, a man lay there bleeding as i scream for help. i want to assist him but my body is in shock, my mind is fighting with every bit of will i possess, but i can't move. a beautiful lady with long flowing hair stands to the right of the dying man, she smiles as she touches his forehead and before i know it the man is hugging her.

i close my eyes, wondering whether i am dreaming or have simply died, when i open them i am back on my knees, still clutching my rosary as it slips from my sweaty palms. the sun begins to shine through the windows projecting a myriad of colorful images around the world. the sheer beauty of the rainbow of colour has me mesmerised; in awe at the magnitude of the radiant rays which begin to stretch out in front of me. i begin to realise how such a small and beautiful experience has transformed my hopeless thoughts into a feeling of gratefulness. i feel grateful for having the opportunity to experience such a magnetic display of nature. enchanting nature which without the dedication of god our father, would be a mere thought within the mind of a exceptionately imaginative child. the realisation dawns on me that god has and continues to give me everything i need, i can't expect him to fix the problems i have caused myself. in my lifetime i have been consumed by the greed, decite and yearning for materiality that the devil has planted within the minds of a captialist society. i remember the days when all that mattered was the time we spent enjoying life, not the expense of the experience. really i think i'm just being irresponsible, instead of owning up to my faults, i've being trying to mask them as a series of unfortunate events. in actuality, i caused this downward spiral; i encouraged it every step of the way. i've had enough, enough of all the lies, selfishness and greed. when i die, i have nothing but everything i ever said and did in life, none of money will ever be there to protect me and cover up my mistakes. i want to be remembered for everything i did that was right, not everything i didn't do. we all have good in us, it's just a matter of recognising and fighting the evil which threatens us every single day.

i stand up, the blood on my knees, along with my once sweat palms, have dried. i close my eyes and fly away.

everyday we must all fight our battles, will you be a warrior of life? or fall to the depths of your own destruction? the choice is always yours and every consequence must be accepted. rise with the fallen for they are the soldier's of life.