singularity of the mind

i'm almost proud yet scared to admit that i can spend so much of my time in a constant state of silence and darkness. i suppose it allows me to understand myself and really get lost in my own thoughts; to live fully within the mental scape which defines me. often i feel the outside world has too many rules and too much seeks logical theory over possibilities. for this reason i prefer to keep many of my obsurd ideas to myself, for i may be the only person who will ever fully understand them. sometimes i wish i could find someone to bare my soul to, to show the real and raw me. i know timing is everything and eventually when the moment is right and i'm ready, certain events will occur which will completely shuffle the details of my seemingly calm life. maybe this is all happening as we speak yet i can't bring myself to accept and acknowledge this gifted evolution of my being. i'm not sure how this all ends, maybe the darkness is constant, what i do know is that my decisions define my destination and i've decided lonliness is a neccessity. if i can't be happy alone, i'll never be happy in any kind of relationship. all i need is time.